So, you’ve been to an intensive, a meditation retreat, or training program that you know will benefit you tremendously. You’ve felt the anticipation of waiting to get started on a new project – Awareness meditation, Yoga, or Diet. You participated with complete enthusiasm, waking up at 4 AM, going through the rigorous, daily 12-hour schedule with determination. You made lots of new friends. You promised yourself that you’re going to change your life and practice every day. You really mean it this time. Not like all those other times. ?
But, two weeks after the program, the euphoria has disappeared. Your determination along with the daily practice has melted away. Those new friends are beginning to look more like acquaintances. On the weekend, you numb yourself with your favourite mind-numbing activity. Of course, if anyone asks you, “how was it?”, your response is “Awesome! The greatest thing since sliced bread!” And when you look back, it really was great. So, what happened?
Life happened
Our daily life has a way of getting in the way. The perfect atmosphere at the retreat venue, coupled with the near total lack of distractions, and massive social pressure – everyone else is working hard, I cannot be the only slacker – ensures success and gives you a high. Some folks attend multiple programs just to keep getting the rush.
When you get back home, all the old habits that were dormant, wake up with a vengeance and call to you like the lorelei. Most training programs or retreats have only weak mechanisms (or none) to ensure that you’re able to continue. So, does that mean that trainings and retreats are no good? Of course not! Investing that initial large block of time to get started is necessary. The gravitational pull of the old ways is so strong that only a dedicated, sustained effort can get you off the ground.
So, what are the specifics that keep you and me chained to the old way? And what are the fixes?
- The projected future is an illusion: The idea that you must exercise, meditate, or diet for 20 months or 20 years to get benefits, is part of the illusion. When the mind projected future gets in the way of taking positive action now, that is a real problem. Your trickster mind is going to show you a grand picture of how difficult it is.Present moment awareness is the antidote to the disease of projected future and past. The reality is that only this moment is real. The only time in which you can implement anything is RIGHT NOW. Therefore, all you need to do is take care of this moment! This very instant. Here. And. Now.
- Adjust your estimates of yourself: It is rare for anyone to have an accurate idea of their current capabilities, so you may expect yourself to maintain the new habit at the first attempt. Or, you mistakenly believe that it is out of your league, when in fact, you may succeed with just a little extra effort. We are all capable of a lot more than we can imagine. Draw on those resources.
- Manage self-expectations: Don’t allow your expectations to bind you in chains. Tell that inner judge to go home. Remind your inner parent to calm down. Ask your inner critic to pipe down and let you do your job. I mean that literally.
- Redefine perfection: When you drop the ball, the little kid inside sulks and says – the perfection is ruined now! There’s no point in continuing. And you stop altogether, instead of looking at the average. For instance, sticking to your exercise regimen for 4 out of 7 days is better than zero out of 7 days. When perfectionism prevents you from acting, redefine it. Perfection does not apply here.
- Not All or nothing: Very few things are all or nothing in nature. Reality operates on a graded scale like a volume knob, and not like an ON/OFF switch. Every step you take in the right direction, adds up and improves your chances of making it a habit, in addition to all the benefit that accrues. You may also tend to get hung up on the strict parameters of the training program or retreat – nothing less than 1 hour. If you can stick to it, fine. If not, remember that every little bit counts. Five minutes of meditation is better than none.
- Use social support: Every activity can be fun when you’re doing it with friends. So, overcome your hesitation and join the daily class, meet up with groups, and call those new friends. They are probably in the same boat, waiting for you to make the first move. You’ll have helped yourself and your friend as well.
- Forgive yourself: Old habits take time to overcome. You’re not going to break out of 20 years of chains in overnight, so if you drop the ball, forgive yourself. Say “Oh, well!” and start again. Give yourself lots of practice starting again and again. That is the way most of us get good at anything. Stop and Start ?
Retreats and training intensives are a great vehicle to get started on something new. But lift-off alone is not enough. You need to consider and plan for what happens after the program is over. That’s the only way to successfully gain long term benefits from any retreat or training.